SINIGANG GUY

if it wasn't for capsci, i wouldn't have a clue that sinigang guy is sick. :c we were in fact conversing thru text messages just last weekend, saturday evening to be exact. he was already sick at that time and feeling really bad but he never mentioned a thing. now i feel so helpless! i want to visit him but how do i get therE? i dont wanna go there alone and most probably rub elbows with his other "significant other"! i dozed off just for a few hours yesterday coz i kept waking up and everytime i wake up, i end up crying just thinkin of him laying in bed sick. he's been having blood transfusion since the weekend. i know his mom and dad are there to look after him and of course, his friends and chimi have visited already. i feel so darn bwisit! hindi ko man lang siya mabisita. i called him to see how he's doin and he definitely sounded weak. i just wish he'll get well soon and be back on his feet.

i wouldn't know what to do without my umbrella...

or am i ???

it's been a month since i left the place i called "home" for almost 3 years and yet nothing will ever replace the wonderful memories i've had with my friends and well who else?! yes, sinigang guy is now more than just a floor away. it feels like i left a big chunk of myself with him. it pains me not to see him and get jokes from him about my eyebrows and facial hair. grrrrr.... i miss him sooo much. everyone's tellin me to just move on and forget him... as if it's as easy as changing shoes or bags. i know i shouldn't feel this way anymore. although i'm not at the same organization anymore, i hear very confidential things about him every single day. most of them, not so nice to hear and yet sooo familiar to me. when asked if i believe them, i always answer the same thing. it even came to a point when me and a friend did something that was out of league just to satisfy my unending jealousy! hahaha! wala naman akong rights to even feel the slightest hint of jealousy. ewan ko nga ba! mahal ko siya and hindi ako makaget over! some sources would tell me he's living with someone again and another one told me he has someone else who goes by the name of c********. it seems like my system is already immune to these kind of stories. should i be immune with this? till when? i don't want to ask him because ... uhmmm... i just dont. when is enough, enough? just the other day, a very reliable source mentioned to me that he's not happy with some stuff in his life right now. my heart just fell to pieces when i heard that because i know i can't do anything at all to ease his pain. i don't know what to say to him. i spent sleepless nights trying to figure out how i can be of help to him but i just can't seem to figure things out. maybe because i have my own worries as well. another friend is encouraging me to talk to him - just talk.. maybe it would help. would it? he wont even reply to my text messages. :c he wont even email me. :c maybe he just put me behind him already. i wanna tell him that he can make everything better if he just loves himself a little more. he doesnt need to sacrifice everything for someone else's sake. no one can give anything if he has nothing. but who am i in his life for him to hear me out? im no one! :c he just needs to listen to himself a little more. listen to what he truly yearns and give in to his folly a little bit, get rid of the immature stuff coz it realy wont help. it really wont....

07.06.2008

me ... him... the sun... sea... sand... who knew it could happen?! one of the most breathtaking moments of my boring and complicated life. all worries were left in makati. packed with a bag of pure excitement, delight and pure happiness we set off to paradise! everything was perfect - weather was delightful, waves were tamed and wind was at its calmest. life couldn't be better... we knew it was just for a day but who cares?! it was one day of rest, relaxation and togetherness away from the prying eyes of the rumor mongers and judgementals. we set sail almost noon and arrived a bit paste two. just the sight of the sea made me feel truly light and FREE. yes, we felt free... the one thing we are both craving for. the day just felt perfect with him by my side. when we hit the shore of the island - we could just feel each other's excitement and glee. i could truly see it in his eyes that he's happy. for the very first time - TRUE happiness emulated from him. no money could ever be equal to that sight. the entire time we did nothing but eat, swim, stroll along the shore, chat, lay on the shore and sunbathing. it was as if we had the whole island to ourselves and yes indeed we have! No acquaintances - no one - we felt free to be ourselves and we felt safe that no one would judge us whatever we do. Though we really didn't dig much about each other's background, i still got to know him more. The more i fell in love with him... PAK! As they say "if you love yourself despite your infinite faults, how can you hate someone with a few faults"... paano nga ba?! anyway back to the island getaway, we truly enjoyed every bit of it. that one day made a big difference. it helped me pave a clearer way towards a big decision i'm about to make. as of this moment, my heart beats for no one but him. going to that island with him and spending quality time together - it was all worth it!

" i dont care what they say, i'm in love with you, they try to pull me away but they dont know the truth, my heart's crippled by the vein that i keep on closing but then you cut me open and i keep bleedin... keep bleeding..."

Dear SG,

every moment spent with you is precious time very well-spent. you know how i feel for you and we both know what is right. i understand why it seems like we're stuck somewhere we don't wanna be. i believe it's how it should be right now. i hurt when you hurt... i am happy when i see you happy... you'll always have my hand to hold and my heart to take refuge to. despite all the struggles we have, one thing is for sure - i am home when im with you...

Darna

21.05.2008

it's chapter ten and yet it's the same story... it's the same choice but now it's his choice. i have been tied down by Love. shet! oo mahal ko na siya. after a few months of exchanging online messages, quick phone calls and yosi breaks - oo napamahal na siya sa akin. di ko inakalang mapapalapit siya sa akin nang ganun. he's definitely one of a kind. hindi ko siya natitiis. i tried pushing him back and staying away from him but everytime i try, i fail miserably. sinermonan ko yung BFF ko dahil sa kanyang katangahan tapos ako din pala yung nasa situation niya. no, i wont call myself tanga. i am just in love! can you blame me? somehow alam kong naintindihan ako ng iba. hindi naman to due to desperation coz im not desperate in the first place. kaya kong mabuhay ng walang lalaki sa buhay ko and i've been there. di ko lang inexpect talaga na siya ang magpapatibok ng puso ko ulit after such a long time. bakit siya? for so many reasons... he makes me smile without saying a word, he argues with me, he humorous, he talks with sense, he's not scared to admit if he does something wrong (he's brutally honest sometimes), he admits he's not that responsible but i can see he's working so hard to be one, he's passionate when it comes to family, he's a good listener, he's a good friend, he understands me pretty well, he likes my cooking (siya ang kauna unahang taong nagsabing masarap ang luto ko), he is down to earth (for me.. though some wud think he is mayabang), he completes my sentences sometimes, he gave my stagnant life a shake! i am very much aware that everything seems wrong to everyone, how can i contest? i know where i stand and i am just hoping for the best. i know he doesn't feel the same way and i'm not askin for anything. i just think he came into my life as a blessing.... he is!

19.05.2008

sabi nga nila, kung mahal (may ganung factor) mo ang isang tao - lahat gagawin mo : kumain ng bubog, tumawid ng alambre, tumambling nang paulit ulit - lahat as in lahat talaga. lahat din tayo dumadaan sa ganyang stages and of course di exempted si Darna sa mga cartwheel moments na yan.

birthday ni sinigang guy, so si darna eh taranta to the 10th level just to show him na it's important to her as much as the National heroes day sa calendar. so plano - plano and along the way, ay semplang happenings na naganap at purnado ang mga plano. hahahaha! below is the list of misses na nangyari kay darna along the way...

1.) surprise party - eto talagang unang plano. 1 week of pure planning to with matching checklist of the food to be served, guests to invite, drinks to serve etc etc etc. siempre may kasabwat si darna sa planning na to at hinaggard siya ng todo ni darna. kahit tulog, tatawagan ni darna para lang tanungin kung sino yung dadagdagan pa sa guest list at magsesend na ng invitation. promise super friend ko sia! anyway, ayun so planning was going on smoothly. i was about to send out the invite to the nation when all of a sudden etong si sinigang guy ay nag iinvite sa kanyang party! waaaaaaaaaaaaa! may party pala siya! so siempre kamusta naman hindi ko naman pwedeng hatiin ang kanyang katawan. so erase erase the surprise party! super punit the checklist with matching batok from Darna's assistant friend na may kasamang mura "tanga ka! di mo man lang tinanong pala kung magpapaparty siya!" SO THERE! all of the planning went to my newly-bought pink trash can.

2.) casa san pablo eklabu - etong assistant ni Darna chinizmiz ang semplang niya kay Yosi gurl. so kamusta naman, pinagalitan naman ako ni yosi gurl sabay sabi "i have a suggestion". may alam daw siyang place na nice and relaxing. panalong surprise raw for sinigang guy para marelease ang tension and stress! sabay pindot sa keyboard and showing me the website of casasanpablo. eto oh ... www.casasanpablo.com. wow maganda nga! and on a personal note, talagang maganda raw yung place according to a friend who's been there. sabi ng ni yosi gurl, timing to kasi magpapaparty siya so next day kayo umalis para marelease ang toxins sa katawan niya dulot ng sobrang alcohol. inisip ko... pwede pwede! sumthin different naman pero ang tanong - will he like it? yun nga lang. so i gambled ang called the property at super reserved si lola with matching full payment sa excitement! then came the next day, at tinanong ko kay sinigang guy, if pwede siya the day after celebration ng party niya. eto ang sagot ..."uuwi ako sa amin to celebrate with my family". TAhDAH! di na talaga natuto si Darna. i think lang take 2 na to! GGgrrrr! siempre di ko sinabi sa kanya na i have planned sumthing kasi ayoko namang bigyan siya ng dilemma and besides family ang kasama so how can you argue with that?! im not selfish naman and i understand. so ayun call ako sa property to cancell. hahahahahah! NONREFUNDABLE pala downpayment or payment once reserved! ayan kasi di ko binasa yung fine print. hahahaahh! so ako'y natawa at nung sinabi ko kay yosi gurl, sabi niya "tanga mo talaga darna!" hahahaha!

so i ended up giving him stuff na super simple nalang... nagtampo pa nga ata kasi di ko napasign sa bday card niya yung isang close friend niya na si chinita - eh hindi ko naman kasalanang nag CTO siya , kung alam ko lang pinapirma ko na way ahead. so now - take a bow nalang ako. next year ulit ... (may next year pa kaya???)